Scene 4 – Set 5 (Mike’s Club “HATS”) – Song #25
Mike is on stage with the boys. Steve sees Jenny come in with the girls and he pokes Mike. Mike is happy to see her. They introduce their next song. The music starts to Song #25 – “The Trouble With Me Is You.”
MIKE
Folks, this song is about how love lost can affect you. The song is called, “The Trouble with Me is You.”
MIKE
Fully dressed and wrinkled in my armchair.
I’m drinking whiskey, watching late TV
My head pounds out the rhythm to a sad song.
My heart jumps in with hurting harmony.
I’m dirty, lazy, burnt out and half-crazy.
I’m not the man I once knew.
Still I feel a little better knowing
the trouble with me is you.
MIKE & STEVE & TOM
The trouble with me is you.
Sure I know I’m not the man you and I once knew.
But you are the reason why I act the way I do.
I can blame it all on me but it won’t change the truth.
The trouble with me is you.
MIKE
Feeling single, drinking double whiskey.
For a little while I don’t hurt inside.
But soon my heart begins to sing that sad song.
I pour another drink and I don’t have to cry.
I recall the feelings that I once had.
Such joy in everyday I never knew.
But breaking up has broken me in pieces.
The trouble with me is you.
MIKE & STEVE & TOM
The trouble with me is you.
Sure I know I’m not the man you and I once knew.
But you are the reason why I act the way I do.
I can blame it all on me but it won’t change the truth.
The trouble with me is you.
MIKE
It’s not hard to see my friend, I’m still in love with you.
Breaking up is something that you felt we should do.
And though you say you’re feeling fine, I’m still bleeding blue.
MIKE & STEVE & TOM
The trouble with me is you.
MIKE
Don’t misunderstand my friend it’s not too hard to see
you’re not doing half as well as when you were with me.
And though you say you’re doing fine, you’re single but not free.
MIKE & STEVE & TOM
The trouble with you is me.
Yah, the trouble with me is you.
Mike stays on stage and talks with a patron of the club. Steve and Tom exit the stage and speak with other patrons. Jenny wants to speak with Mike and is waiting for a good time to do so. Ronnie has an idea. She excuses herself and goes over to Steve.
RONNIE
Hi Steve.
STEVE
Hey Ron. You’re looking good tonight.
RONNIE
Thanks. Steve, Jenny wants to speak to Mike. Do me a favor and tell him for me.
Steve thinks about Ronnie’s request for a second and responds before Ronnie can walk away.
STEVE
If she asked you, why ask me?
RONNIE
You’re his friend.
STEVE
You’re her’s.
Pause
I get it. Jenny didn’t actually ask you to ask Mike, did she?
RONNIE
No, but think about it. If they get back together, they would owe it all to you. You would be like their guardian angel.
Ronnie spins around and returns to sit with Jenny. Steve thinks about it. He starts for the stage then stops. He looks around and spots Diane who is speaking with an acquaintance.
STEVE
Excuse me. Hi Diane. May I speak with you for a moment?
DIANE
What's up?
STEVE
Jenny wants to speak with Mike. Why don’t you tell him?
DIANE
Why me?
STEVE
Because you were the best maid.
DIANE
Maid of honor.
STEVE
Whatever.
DIANE
You expect me to believe Jenny asked you to ask me to ask Mike to see her?
STEVE
Technically, Ronnie asked me.
DIANE
Let me get this straight. Ronnie asked you to ask me to ask Mike? I smell a rat.
STEVE
Think about it Diane. If they get back together, you’ll become a bedtime story they will tell their grandchildren – the good fairy godmother, Diane.
With that last remark, Steve backs away while nodding his head with encouragement. Diane scowls at Steve until he disappears, thinks about things for a second, starts to head for the stage, then stops. She looks for Tom, spots him, and then walks over to where he is.
DIANE
Hi Tom.
TOM
Hi Diane.
DIANE
You guys sounded great.
TOM
Thanks.
DIANE
Jenny wants you to ask Mike to go over and speak with her.
TOM
What’s wrong with you asking Mike?
DIANE
You were the best man. I just thought you would like the opportunity of being the one who brings them back together. You would be known as the godfather to the family.
TOM
Jenny didn’t ask you to ask me to ask Mike, did she?
DIANE
Not exactly. Steve asked me.
TOM
Jenny asked Steve?
DIANE
Ronnie asked Steve.
TOM
I still haven’t heard Jenny’s name mentioned anywhere. I know Jenny didn’t ask Ronnie to ask Steve to ask you to ask me to ask Mike. Let’s get these chicken livered, conniving, low-lives over here and straighten this thing out. Godfather.
Tom and Diane round up Ronnie and Steve. They huddle and start pointing fingers at one another. While they are discussing who asked whom what, Jenny walks passed them. As she does, they stop their bickering and turn their heads, following her. Jenny walks straight to Mike and apparently asks if he would speak with her for a few minutes. Mike nods his head in the affirmative. As Jenny walks by Ronnie, Steve, Diane and Tom, she stops briefly.
JENNY
Is everything all right?
Ronnie, Steve, Diane and Tom shake their heads as if nothing is wrong. Jenny gives them the “are you sure” look. They shake their heads again. Jenny shakes her head as if amused and walks back to the table, with Mike following close behind. Mike stops by the group and, excusing himself, pulls the guys to the side.
STEVE
What’s up oh mighty one, king of the doghouse?
MIKE
Jenny just asked me to talk.
STEVE
Good luck.
TOM
He doesn’t need luck. He needs knee pads.
Tom points back and forth, first to Mike, then to Jenny while saying …
Remember… King, peasant, king, peasant, king, peasant.
Mike waves the boys off as he walks away. Tom and Steve laugh. Then Steve raises his glass. Tom follows suit.
STEVE
Long live the queen.
Tom and Steve laugh. Tom lightly backhands the arm of Steve.
TOM
Com’on. Let's get a beer.
Steve and Tom turn towards the bar. Mike and Jenny walk towards an unoccupied table. The lights dim to dark. End of Scene 4, ACT III.